On the Hammock: Productivity and My Natural Time

So, last night I got caught up in my little fantasy world and spent a fair amount of time on the Internet looking for hits to support that world.  That is sexual fantasy in case you are wondering.  Once I get going, the obsession to continue is  like a form of self-hypnosis. I have ADD and can get obsessed with one activity to the exclusion of all others including food or water.  This is one of them. I like to read stories. I am not much into videos or live action; I find very little about them that’s exciting.  But I do like Hentai and I’ve discovered the adult /erotic /BDSM/ pornographic comic art of Ferres and other illustrators.

When I next looked up and closed down my computer, it was around 2:00 am in the morning so I knew an early start was out of the question. Typically I like to be up and about by 9am,  just as if I was going to work.  It was then I decided I would just flow with my natural time today and if I didn’t get anything done, so be it.  It would be a health day.

Tragic Love by Ferres

I woke up at around 10:30 – 11:00 am, groggy with no expectations other than to pet the cats, make an omelet, take a shower, give myself a Nia class, catch some HGTV, and later, perhaps read the latest Jim Butcher book featuring Harry Dresden. That was 6 or 7 hours ago.  I did catch the HGTV, got the omelet and the shower.

I also got an e-mail from a Hiring Director who had caught my resume on JobFox and wants to talk with me, called her and scheduled a phone interview for tomorrow.  I contacted a work buddy I know for an introduction to a sales director at a company I had applied to.  I emailed my Sacred Circle Dance teacher and mentor to recap a meeting with an organization we’re targeting and follow-up on an October workshop we’re planning.  I spoke with a carpenter/handy person about modifying my drop-in range configuration to accommodate a free-standing one being delivered and installed on Sunday.  I spoke to a local health club owner/prospect and nailed down a date to do a sample Nia class at her club in September.

Having ADD and being very easily distracted, I try to keep my daily task list aligned to my goals, yet extremely simple —  Do 3 things to advance and achieve what you want. Today I learned that I don’t need to be hypervigilant, make a lot of notes or be super organized or even super-motivated to achieve this. I can have a lazy day, piss away the morning and still complete goal related tasks.

I want to land a job that I love, that pays well and is in 30 minutes of my home.  I want to fix up my house and do some much-needed renovations. I want to teach another weekly Nia class or two.  And I want to hold hair love workshops and start a local Sacred Circle Dance group. I also want a good, hot, loving man to love back and share my life with, but that one is seriously elusive.

Everything I did today was very organic.  I wrote a few things down on my PC sticky notes but other than that, not much.  I took my ADD medication which helps a lot, as do anti-anxiety meds.  My worst enemy is that fearful part of my mind that thinks I am too slow, too unmotivated and won’t get anything accomplished unless it continually nags, bugs or criticizes me.  It really accomplishes nothing except to stress me out and cause me lots of anxiety and panic.  Medication  help quiet that voice and allow me to be in stillness.  Meditation also helps.  A quiet mind is a wonderful thing.

I gave myself exactly what I wanted today:  permission to not be productive.  I just threw productivity out the window and ended up having a very productive day.

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